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More on the Most Fascinating Republican...

2008-09-18T19:09:00.000-07:00

Things seem to be turning around for Mr. McCain. What seemed at first glance to be suicidal turned out to be a pretty cagey move. Sarah Palin pulled McCain ahead of Obama in many of the bigger tracking polls. Republicans were energized and things started to look a little scary for our golden son.
But that's starting to change. McCain crossed the line when he accused Democrats of being sexist before they even had a chance to open their mouths. It energized stupid women briefly, but even stupid women must know when they're being treated like idiots.
Then they said that Obama wanted to teach kindergartners how to fuck well. It turned out that this wasn't so true. And the more he speaks, the more he tends to contradict himself. The fundamentals of our economy were strong Monday morning, but it only took three hours for things to turn ugly. Those fundamentals which seemed so fundamentally strong, were no longer what we had fundamentally come to see them as. Those fundamentals weakened in three short hours, and were soon in grave danger.
And boy was McCain right...eventually. Everyone and their mother has been bailed out by the US Government, saving Lehman who was left to drown, laying off lots of people and adding to our financial woes in so many complicated ways that only the Chinese seem to truly understand it.
We're fucked. I'm done for tonight. More on McCain next week.

Who is This Man?,,,

2008-09-16T20:10:00.000-07:00

I'm having a really hard time figuring out John McCain. I know I won't be voting for him, but there's a part of me that wants to see what happens in a McCain/Palin administration. Much light has been made of the fact by the "liberal press" (The Daily Show) that McCain has abandoned the principles that he was once so popularly known for. He often disagreed with Republican platforms, including policies proposed by president Bush, the same president that humiliated him in 2000 for the purpose of "winning" an election. McCain lost, but came out looking like the better man, and being more respected than any president will ever be.
But respect isn't what a man wants, it's the power. That's why all presidents will be regarded with little respect. Nothing they ever do to be elected will be seen as respectful, it will merely be seen as a reason to hold the highest office in the land. It's a dirty job, not meant for respectable men. Mike Rowe did a segment on it on "Dirty Jobs," so what did McCain do? He cashed that respect in for a "higher" calling.
Ask McCain what he thinks about a politically divisive issue, and he will likely tell you the opposite of what he would have said seven years ago. But I have to wonder why he's doing this. Maybe it's all those years of being told to hold him in the highest of regards, but there's a part of me that wants to think McCain is doing this for a bigger purpose; that his selling out is the necessary sacrifice for doing what needs to be done once the man reaches that most exalted of offices.
So what will he do? Like I said before I won't be voting for him. Not only because I deplore his recent tactics, but mostly because even when he was a well-respected man, I disagreed with the vast majority of what he said. The morbid side of me will be voting for John McCain on election day.
Can a man really appear to abandon his highest ideals in the name of a greater cause? Will he return to the position he once chose, and see his agenda through? Will he use his power to advance the causes he spent most of his life fighting? Or will he simply get sucked in to being another president with little in the way of a moral compass, and even less in the way of a scruple? I wish there was a "what if..." machine that could show us such a future. Of course, if such a machine existed, not a single name on the list of 43 would remain the same. We would elect the right person, not the political winner.

The mirror has been around for a long time. The first mirror dates back to an ancient Turkish civilization eight thousand years ago. That's a long time ago. Since then, we have been obsessed with our image. Perhaps that adds to the fascination that our candidates' VP picks seem to be a sort of photo-negative mirror of who they are. Who's more vain than a presidential candidate? It can't be easy to listen to your advisers who are saying "Senator Obama, you have little foreign policy experience, you're black and young. We need someone who isn't." The same goes for McCain, "Old man, you're cranky, old, mean, ugly, centrist, principled, and not in line with current Republican values..."
They say the only decision you really make that matters as a presidential candidate is that of your second in command. So what does that fact that these people are able to set down and chose that which they've spent their entire life not becoming? One might say that they are able to see past their own ego to recognize their are but human, and a better half complements even the best of us. Others might say that they are so withdrawn from their own conscience and self-awareness that they don't even see themselves as a person anymore, just as the same tool we all see them as. The only difference is they get to have all the fun.

This is starting to sound a little fringe, so I'm going to say good night to you, but we'll discuss this at another time. I will say that the winners now are looking in some ways like the winners of yesterday. But that's only when they're winning. I've spoken my piece.

Thoughts on the Dearly Departed...

2008-06-04T20:38:00.000-07:00

It seemed last night that the party would go on forever. So much has been made of the fact that Hillary was intending to take the fight all the way to the convention, if not the credential committee's meeting. People were pissed, especially when last night was supposed to be Obama's big night to declare victory and look towards the upcoming general. But she instead decided not to make any decisions, and the Democratic pundits on CNN were screaming for blood...except for James Carville, who spent the night trying to think of some reasonable justification for Clinton's remaining in the race. He was more quiet than I'd ever seen him.

But that appears to have changed today. Various news outlets have reported that Hillary Clinton will officially end her race on Friday and throw her support behind Obama. I'm assuming she's going to drop out, but a lot can happen in the next 36 hours. People tend to think about these things, and then they tend to change their minds. So let us hold our collective breaths, and pray for the sanity of Bill and Hillary.

But let's just assume for now that the good senator from the state of New York will throw in the towel. I would like to be the first (actually nowhere near the first) to say a few words about the dearly departed. I get the feeling that Hillary came to a realization several weeks ago. Her tone towards Obama had become pretty nasty, and there was discussion as to whether the two would ever stand a chance of reconciling. It was pretty obvious that Hillary was willing to burn down the entire town just to save it (in her mind). She would have lost anyways, and we would have had that deeply divided party that so many have been dreading over the past months.

But at some point, she decided to take the high road, and I couldn't have been happier. I have always respected Hillary Clinton. I don't really think she's a great person, and she's probably tied up in that evil machine that we all like to bitch about, but resignedly accept every four years, but she was one of the good ones. She's a progressive liberal who genuinely wants to do good for our country. But I also feel that she lost sight of that in her election. She became nasty when she realized she wouldn't be nominated, and like anyone with a sense of entitlement who doesn't get what she wants, Hillary got nasty.

It wasn't easy for her, because how do you attack the man of hope? But she tried anyways, and it didn't do anything for her. But that has changed, and there's now a good chance that we can come together as a party. I wouldn't have said so a week ago. That woman has some hard core fans, and they are unwavering in their support of Clinton. They talked about Obama as if he would be the death of the party, if not the republic. They protested when Hillary wasn't given Florida and Michigan on a platter. Those most outspoken of fans were the type to hang out outside of abortion clinics with signs more offensive to the eye than the actual killing of a child (different side of the ideological spectrum, of course). Every side has fans of such ilk. I know Obama's will come out of the woodwork, and in droves. But there was something openly hostile about Hillary's crazies. I don't know why, maybe we're at our nastiest when we're losing.

When we hear one side of the story, we get caught up in the fury. We only hear what we want, and we block out the rest. It's how genocides are started. But I digress.

Hillary turned it around, if not her fans. She started running a straight up campaign, and it didn't help her at all, but it was for the best of all of us. Anyone who has been following the race from its inception will not question her devotion, and one can't help but be impressed by her gumption. She fought hard, relentlessly, sometimes dirty. But that's politics baby and she played it as well as anyone. There just wasn't enough women. I'm finished now, and you're probably wondering why I even bothered with this entry. Well fuck you, I just felt I should say something. Why are you reading this anyways. You should have given up a few paragraphs ago. I'll try to do better next time. Goodnight.

And The Beat Goes On...

2008-06-03T18:54:00.000-07:00

On a night that has probably seen the victory of Barack Obama as the democratic nominee for the 2008 presidential election, things could not be murkier. Hillary has just given a speech in which she refuses to concede, and claims to be meeting with top officials, after which she will make a decision. This is bad news for Obama who is probably preparing right now to declare victory (this is another "live blog" if you haven't gathered already).

It's been an interesting week. The Democratic party's leadership met on Saturday to decide what to do about what's becoming a very sticky situation. They gave half of Michigan and Florida to Clinton, which apparently wasn't good enough for the Clinton supporters who picketed outside the meeting. The Sunday shows were flooded with disgruntled Clinton employees who were aghast and offended at the idea that the Democratic party would half-assedly enforce their punishment of two states who were repeatedly warned not to move their primaries forward.

Early this morning, it was reported that Hillary would not concede tonight, but would recognize the fact that Obama was going to win the nomination. It didn't take long for Terry McAuliffe to rebut this report, and by noon, the Associated Press projected to Obama win enough superdelegates on the day to win the nomination. CNN has done as much within the past hour (it's 7:00 pacific), and yet Hillary is fighting on. So, is this a joke, or is she really that admirable?

Clinton's speech was not at all inflammatory, and yet, people on CNN right now are offended at her not conceding. She claimed to be winning the popular vote, and thanked everyone and their mother for their help.

Obama is going to speak, but I would like to take a minute to discuss the nature of the Clinton supporter. Most polls taken over the past few months have shown more Clinton supporters to NOT be willing to vote for Obama than vice versa. They show up at this meeting, and reports of shoving, and vile language thrown towards party leaders flood the Sunday shows. These are passionate people. Are these the people who will lose the Democrats the election? It's just a thought. Obama is speaking...

Obama's speech was pretty much exactly what it should have been. He made no bones about declaring victory, making himself the nominee, but only after being over complementary of Clinton. But he didn't talk about his struggle with her, from his declaration of victory he spent the rest of the speech attacking John McCain, and it was more vicious than he ever was to Hillary. He painted McCain as being Bush's crony (surprise) and illustrated how McCain was out of touch with the average American. What remains to be seen is whether and how McCain is able to paint Obama as being out of touch with the average American. It was one of his most energetic speeches, though probably a couple of stanzas too long. Building up to his climax, the crowd suddenly got quiet at the wrong moment.

But make no mistake about it. Obama needed to be clear about his victory, and he certainly did that. Any doubt Clinton's speech may have cast over the landmark obtained tonight was vastly overshadowed by the forcefulness of Obama's speech. For a man who has been criticized for being too wishy washy, Obama nailed this in the ground.

So, where do we go from here? Obama is going to have to win back a lot of upset Clinton supporters who feel their time might be done for good. That of course is bullshit. There will be a female president in my life (barring the unknown), and she will be a great president. She'll have to be because we wouldn't elect her otherwise. But try making this argument to a bunch of women who feel their rightfully won campaign was taken from them. That's what we can look forward to over the next few months, not to mention more bashing of McCain.

McCain is a bad politician, and it will show in the coming months, if it hasn't already. He will come off as grumpy, out of touch, and unwilling to waver on many of the problems we've had over the past eight years that most will agree are problems. He will also come off as a dick, but he's really old, so that can't be helped. Marc Ambinder announced yesterday that McCain had originally intended to stay in office only one term if elected. That would have been his best chance to win. It helps with the age issue, and everyone likes a politician who passes an opportunity to run for something. It goes against their very nature, making them one of us. Cheney used it when running against Edwards as vice president, and there is no response to that. Edwards just had to suck it in, and its resonance struck far deeper than anyone talked about the next day.

But McCain wants to keep his options open, like the rest of us. He wasn't willing to make such a commitment, and it might be that decision that seals the deal before the Democrats even locked down a nominee. It's a young man's world, and Obama is younger in every way. Whenever I hear McCain talk about how he wasn't able to go to Woodstock because "I was on a different kind of trip" I want to tear what's left of my hair out. I understand that he's not going to win over baby boomers who didn't fight in Vietnam, but why refuse to acknowledge their existence? Saying things like that taints his credentials as a Vietnam vet, because he makes it the only way to be. He looks down on us who have not found the call to serve, and no one wants to be told they're not patriotic, especially these days. We had enough of it from the previous administration, and I think McCain would do well to remind us of his service, because it is admirable, but don't hold it over our heads. He won't win any votes like that.

Perhaps one of the biggest concerns for Obama in the coming months will be whether he can discount those fears he had to address with Clinton; that he is all flash and no substance. Many points were made about tonight's speeches. Obama tore the house down and was lucky to get out of St. Paul alive. He gave as passionate a speech as he ever has over the past year, and it will be remembered as his victory speech. McCain's was much different. The crowd was smaller, the tone was much more sober, and the discussion was much less interesting. But it was issue based, and McCain came out and said what he believed. Obama did as well, but that hasn't been good enough lately. He hasn't been as specific as people would like to see, and it may be a problem for him later on. I was in Portland when he spoke to 75,000 people. I was not able to get in to the speech, but I was able to see the chaos leading up to it. There was a line waiting to get in several miles long, and this was about ten minutes before he was scheduled to speak. The fishbowl at Tom McCall waterfront park was packed tighter than for any concert or fireworks show I've ever seen. I was originally inspired by the sight. It was like a rock concert, but they were there to see a presidential candidate. Few could inspire such a strong showing, and it made me feel good not only about the future of the Democratic party, but also about the future of political activism. It is why Obama is so great for our country; if for no other reason than he is bringing in millions of formerly alienated youth who may come back to vote not just in November, but also four, eight, twelve and sixteen years from now.

But there was also a part of me that was a little fearful. I have always been and will always be wary of large crowds. They don't think rationally, and I rarely find myself agreeing with them. There is a lot of passion, and little reason in a mob, and we need reason now more than ever.

But, personally I think he has been as substantive as Hillary and McCain, and it's easy to criticize someone for being too flashy (after all, who among us doesn't like to feel like the so(m)ber intellectual, if only every once in a while), so it's been an effective argument. But try giving a speech in twenty minutes whilst getting in to a succinct policy discussion. I didn't hear Hillary doing it tonight. Most of her discussion was about the kind of people she meant on the campaign trail, and that's okay. You're not supposed to talk about policy initiatives on election night.

But I digress. It will be a long race, and there will be many ups and downs. Many people will speak out of turn. Gallup will run a very close tracking poll that will tell us absolutely nothing. Bill Clinton will bitch at the press, on whose behalf it has yet to be determined, and there will be plenty of "surprises."

So on we go. I am back for now, and hopefully ever, bringing you what you need to hear. Have a good night, and I'll see you on the road to Denver.

Tides Ebb and Tides Flow...

2008-05-06T19:11:00.000-07:00

We'll call this a live blog because the Indiana primary isn't over, but I'm filing my story anyways. Why? Because I'm watching Hillary's concession/victory speech right now, and she - if no one else - thinks she's won Indiana, and that seems to be good enough for her spectators.

She used Obama's words against him, as she's been doing for months. His misstep in claiming Indiana to be a tie-breaker is coming back to bite him...at least in Hillary-land. A man who is apparently not fit to be President is now smart enough of a political analyst to know a tie-breaker when he sees one (it's like the time in fourth grade when I accidentally walked into the girls bathroom ONE TIME and was forced to ignore people asking me why I wanted to be a girl for a month. I mean, every time I walk into the mens room, no one notices. But one little mistake, and I'm forced to move cities. Not fair).

But I was surprised when I got home this evening to find that CNN had not called the race for Hillary. I had left work thirty minutes prior where I had just read that CBS projected her the winner. So why the disparity? Is CNN running a covert anti-Hillary campaign intent on ending the race and putting to rest the weeks of debates and speculation that will surely come with an Indiana "victory" on the cable news shows? Or is CBS smart enough to know who it's audience is, those retired AARP members who love nothing more than an exciting night of Mike Wallace and CSI, and pushing for said group's favorite candidate?

(Side note: She's playing Mellencamp right now. Didn't he back Obama? And are you fucking kidding me with this Mellencamp bullshit? Why doesn't she just put on some overalls, get on top of a bale of hay, put a piece of straw in her mouth and talk about the good old days when her fourth cousin thrice removed told her about how she used to play around in bales of hey with straws in her mouth in a small Indiana town and get it over with?)

It's hard to say, although CNN is not going for Clinton's "victory" speech. They're talking about the look of dejection on Chelsea's face, and the look of indifference on Bill's. I will say that even CNN thinks she's going to win, they "just want to be sure." They've just wanted to be sure since the 2000 election when they weren't so sure, and chaos ensued. So you can't blame them for being careful. A Florida debacle is a touchy thing. It can make a network (Fox News) or it can break a network (every other news network).

So, where do we go now? As indicated by the clever title of this cleverly-written entry, tides turn. They apparently were turning in Pennsylvania, but as soon as they traveled a little south and west, the tide seemed to be turning back. There are two conflicting trains of thought here. The consistent theory is that (like the Gallup Poll has shown) people have made up their mind. Tides flow up and down very little, but it's a very close race that isn't changing and the end results will show a small win for Obama, but a win nonetheless.

The other slow train coming is the belief that the people's opinions are ever changing (which is why Hillary won Pennsylvania, and was apparently able to come back in Indiana) and that these recent victories do in fact represent some sort of shift in belief by everyone that Obama is not our guy. The problem with the first is that people have seen candidates in more varied light as time goes on, and opinions are bound to change when you get to know someone better (and it's very inconvenient for program directors who need to find more insignificant things to cover, like wars in Africa and South America). The fault with the second one is that two states represent one twenty-fifth of the percentage of states in our country (and let's not forget, let's NOT forget Puerto Rico, Guam and Hawaii).

As with all extremes, the truth lies somewhere in the middle. Obama will win. Call it catching the right wave (tide metaphor number three), or the fact that he just might be who Democrats want to win the nomination. Hillary refuses to believe this. After all, Oregon hasn't voted yet. And as goes Oregon, so goes the world. So we'll just have to wait and see. Results are coming in the mysterious Lake County, and this might just be the end of the race (though most certainly not). Things are getting exciting, so I'm going to take a break and come back to you.
Isn't this exciting...so...how are you?...good thanks. Work's kickin' my ass, but you know what it's like...oh wait...something just happened.

CNN is now saying that Obama is winning the big cities, the ones where Democrats are. Marc Ambinder suggested earlier that there may be some strategic votes amongst Republicans for Democratic candidate they'd like to see lose to McCain. Is any of this true? I don't know, but they haven't called Indiana yet, and I'm tired. Until next time...

A Sloppy Critique of a Sloppy Campaign...Sloppily...

2008-04-28T20:30:00.000-07:00

"'You're Better Than Them, You've Been Born With White Skin.'"

You know it's getting really slow when The Note devotes the majority of the space on its daily "Sneak Peek" section to actual policy. The Note may be one of the best political reads around (not too far behind me), but as an avid reader for over four years I can't recall them discussing any kind of specific policy in all its nuance and splendor since...well...ever. They usually laugh at people who care about that shit, and why shouldn't they? It's not like what anyone says now is going to mean shit next January. Those who actually fall for that (people who vote) are little more than a means of keeping score. We don't actually associate with them, that would be improper.

But surely we must care what they think, because they have all the power (unless they abuse that power by not voting how we want, forcing us to take that power from them). So it is because of this that I am a little disappointed in The Note, and am not sure if I can read it anymore. It's becoming...common.

But back where things make sense, there hasn't been a lot going on since we last spake. I tried to "live blog" the last debate, but my assistant didn't tell me I had to hit "submit" each time I wrote something, so no one read it until the end when I had to leave because Youtube star presidential candidate Mike Gravel called me and wanted to know why he couldn't read my live blogging. He's a little older, and a lot more decrepit and creepy, so it took me a while to calm myself and explain to him that my assistant his an incompetent ninny who gives worse advice than the guy who told Hillary that attacking Obama would be bad for her image. Once he told me he wanted my social security number so he could read my soul, I decided it was time to end the phone call, but the debate was over and I was sleepy.

The last week was pretty boring, and I was out earning a living (I know, but I do this for free) so I didn't get to talk to you. So, we have plenty to discuss. Like I said, we can talk about McCain's health plan, and its contrast to Barack/Hillary's plan. But you're not a bunch of retarded monkeys, you know none of that really matters. What really matters is who gets to make it not matter, so let's talk process.

The debate was probably one of the most interesting to date. The first forty-five minutes contained nothing but pure, unadulterated bitch-slapping of Obama. They grilled him on Wright, they grilled him on the fact that he thinks he's better than us (he isn't?), they even had the balls to whip out the old no American pin wearing issue, that is so important to those retarded douche bags in what John Mellencamp calls the heart land (certainly not the brain-land). I've never been there, but it sounds just like a big slice of pie, hearty, fulfilling and full of empty calories.

Obama was not happy about this line of questioning. He look frustrated, and insulted that he had to stoop to ABC's salt-of-the-earth, Working-Class hero mediators who wanted answers to the questions that really matter. And Obama's cop-out "these are just distractions" wasn't playing with anyone, especially Hillary who was obviously fed up with Obama's question-dodging over the past year, and wasn't going to take anything but straight answers.

Were Obama's answers sufficient? Only if brutal honesty about the nature of a debate obviously designed to create contention between the front-runner of the race and everyone watching counts as sufficient. I, for one, was not satisfied. I was actually quite disappointed in his performance. Why didn't he apologize for not wearing the pin, and plead with the voters to forgive his egregious sin and possible act of terrorism? Doesn't he know that's what they want? Why would he do something they don't want him to do? Just because he believes in it? On principle? That's bullshit, he's totally in the wrong game.

But as if that wasn't damaging enough, Jeramiah Wright is back and badder than ever. After an interview on the best somewhat well-known, "Charlie Rose" program on late-night public broadcasting (drinking with Jared has my vote), Wright is in the process of giving a series of speeches that are being televised live, and even pre-empting the President's last National Correspondence dinner, the only time now that the President can make a joke without making his audience cry in an overwhelming wave of regret.

Obama obviously doesn't know how to put a leash on his cronies. Wright's not apologizing for what he said, and he's even making things worse. He's claiming that his offensive remarks can be found in none other than the Bible, what a sick fuck! I don't remember ever reading that God wanted to damn America! I further have no recollection of reading anywhere in the Bible anything about America belonging to a certain secret cult that I know we all kind of sort of miss for keeping things on an even keel...kind of like Vic Mackey...he may do more bad than good...but you can't help but feel safe knowing he's out there. Am I right? Tell me I'm wrong! Tell me! I dare you! That's right, you can't!

Was Bob Dylan lying when he said God was on our side? I don't believe it. Call him a worthless beat nick, but Bob Dylan is not a liar! If God's on our side, why would he want to damn us? It doesn't make sense. I think something needs to be done about Wright's incendiary remarks. Someone needs to tell him that this is the US of A, and we don't take kindly to people telling us when we're being assholes. We accept nothing but pure, undivided devotion from our subjects. This country wasn't created so just anybody could say whatever they want. And we will not sit by and watch as this man trashes our country. I'm calling you out Mr. Obama. You wrangle this guy, or we will be forced to destroy his life by ridiculing everything he says, does and appears to think. We certainly have the media resources for it. We'll sick Nancy Grace on you, bitch. Whaddya think of that?

Well, I've done my standard ignorant, racist rant, and it's probably time to go. Not a lot is happening right now and to tell you the truth, I'm getting a little bored with this whole charade. We both know McCain's going to win, so who cares who he beats? I guess the loser of the general election will be in a decent position to lose again in four years. So, I'm going to say farewell. I may have a hard time speaking for the next few weeks due to other obligations, but if something worth talking about actually happens, rest assured that I will talk about it...eventually. Ciao.

I Want My Money Back...

2008-04-16T20:41:00.000-07:00

I am "live blogging" (quotations because I'm watching on the west coast and it's on a time delay. Where the fuck are our live bloggers?) the Democratic debate tonight because it sounds like fun, and gives me an excuse to have poor grammar.

I want to start off by saying that Obama's restraint in respectfully answering the American flag pin question is impressive in itself. I would have lost it ten seconds into my answer, spewing out an angry tirade at the ignorant, superficial bitch who had the nerve to waste mine and everyone else's time by asking it. Maybe we should push him a little further by asking why he writes with his right hand. Is it a slight nod to the right wingers that he's their guy as soon as he's in office? What about his dark suit? Is that a nod to the fact that he will be in the pocket of the dark-skinned coalition once he's elected? Why does he insist on having his name be similar to a terrorist? Is it a nod to the terrorists out there that he will let them take over our country next January?

The two are doing exactly what they've been doing in the press these last couple of weeks. Hillary jumps on everything Obama says, spinning any sort of misspeak he makes that can offend voters, this month, Pennsylvanian voters. Obama talks about the "kind of politics" that people are sick of. I don't know why I'm watching this because nobody is going to read this blog in Washington where it matters. They've already gone to bed.

Someone just asked a reasonable question about Iraq. I'm going to listen...

The two seem to be making similar promises. I'm not sure why they're bothering with this question, unless they want to give Democrats a chance to shit on the current administration. They're really rockin' liberal luvin', talking about bettering our standing in the world, and making real progress towards making us safer.

And now we see the real reason for the question...a segue to Iran. Stephanopoulos, you sneaky bitch.

I'm listening to the candidates talk about protecting Israel right now, and I'm wondering what it is about that little country that we find so lovable? Is it their democratic ways? I'm sure we'd like to think that, but there are other democracies out there that we would give the time of day to. So what is it? Is it that they're ethnic, but not too ethnic? They're basically like us, we have plenty of them in our country, controlling our money and making our movies, exploiting our musicians. Ooh, we're on the economy...

Again, we're hearing the same old thing. Take from the rich, give to the poor. We've heard it before, Hillary. You may remember a young buck by the name of Hood who had a similar tax plan. Remember what happened to him? Me neither. Costner sucked in that. Obama is saying the same thing as Hillary, just in a different, more elitist-type way. I feel so condescended on. I'm going to take a shower...

Charlie's giving Obama shit about Capital Gains taxes. Let it go, Charlie. Everyone stopped listening a long time ago. I think Hillary's found another in here. Time's getting down there, she really needs to strike a blow because not much else is working. She's not the type to surrender, she'll burn down the fucking village just to see it doesn't survive her.

My bad, she's laying off him, just repeating what she said before. I guess I'm just being sexist again. I thought my anti-sexist pills would fix that goddamnit! She is once again trying to show Obama not to be a man of substance by saying that Obama is only looking at taxes, not focusing on investment. Maybe that lack of experience argument that didn't work for the past year will finally ring true to the billions of voters watching that one incredibly vague, veiled attack, causing them to rethink their position on Obama's qualifications and giving them no choice but to vote for her. Maybe Iowa, South Carolina and the other states that voted for Obama will go back and re-vote just to make sure they get it right this time.

Back to commercial. At this point, I have to say the winner is Obama. The fact that Hillary would even allow him on the same stage after it's so obvious that she's going to win the nomination is a victory in itself.

I just got a phone call from Mike Gravel and missed the rest of the debate. So, until next time...

I'll Turn This Thing Right Around!

2008-04-09T20:21:00.001-07:00

I know what I said last week, but this is just getting boring, now. And why would we have a long, drawn-out process like a presidential primary if not for entertainment purposes? It's not like the next four months are going to do anything constructive for us, so let's just end this charade. Either that, or Hillary and Barack have to fight to the death in a steel cage match simulcast on CNN and Fox News. We'll have Wolf Blitzer do color with Sean Hannity and Alan "I have absolutely no balls and I like to be treated like a weak spineless little whore by everyone I talk to on air, including my 'partner'" Colmes do the ringside commentary. It will be beautiful, and the winner will have to be the nominee, because the loser will be dead, or at least severely disabled. The money made at the door can be spent on the convention. And you know whoever wins the fight will have no problem taking McCain on. He may seem like a crotchety old man willing to kick the shit out of any Long-Hair dumb enough to wave a "Make Love, Not War" sign in his face, but the guy has one foot in the grave. There's no way he could escape Hillary's full-nelson.

But that probably won't happen. What I predict will happen is that Obama will continue to gain ground on Hillary in Pennsylvania, she will either win or not lose by enough to convince people that she's convinced she will lose. The race will go on into the convention where it will be won by Hillary during an ugly floor fight where both sides end up playing dirty and the eventual winner alienates so many voters, old man winter is actually able to win despite being probably the worst politician to run for president since Walter Mondale promised to raise taxes if elected. The good news is that McCain will probably suffer from multiple heart attacks while in office. It is a very stressful job after all, and he ain't the spring chicken he was while in 'Nam.

But there is a third option that just has to work. Hillary and Obama drops out of the race, and we nominate Gravel. If it's old crotchety people we want, he's our guy. We can watch the two of them debate the cause of the depression, and how our youth is going straight to hell. I'm mean, honestly. How can a decent society exist when men aren't even wearing hats while walking outside? What terrible dangers are we exposing ourselves to by doing this? The last question (usually meant to invoke laughter, if only out of a feeling of necessity) can be whether you prefer Werthers, or soft ice-milk.

So we'll sit and watch two old-timers slug it out like in the good old days. It'll be like "Grumpy Old Men," but less humorous, and with a lot more tears.

Until that happens, we have to go on with this pathetic farce. Hillary is the only one making news these days. I don't even know what Obama has been doing this past week, other than not fucking his campaign up. I wish I could say the same for Hillary. After it was leaked by the Wall Street Journal that Mark Penn had been working with the Colombian government on their free trade agreement with the U.S., Hillary almost did the politically right thing by demoting Penn, but his resignation was acknowledged by the campaign to be purely cosmetic (I have to say that when campaigns are admitting to the superficiality of their moves, you have to wonder why they even bother, are we really that stupid? Think about it, how stupid do we really have to be?) and her troubles go on.

Now, the more jaded of you will look at this as an opportunity to paint her with a brush that she may or may not deserve. You'll say that he's her adviser and how can she take advice from a guy who disagrees with her on this one, oh so important subject that we all cared passionately about before the Pennsylvania primary? Not only that, but there may be some even more cynical assholes out there who are disgusted at the idea that he is just doing business and is not at all invested emotionally in the process, making it possible for him to work both sides of an argument without actually taking a side. After all, who really wants a dispassionate politician who bases his or her decisions on something other than his or her gut feelings. Don't we want someone who's going to base their opinion on how they're feeling at that particular moment? Don't we want them to be able to react within milliseconds, without wasting time on thinking and seeking counsel? By not ridding herself completely of Mark Penn, Hillary is acting like a professional when what we need is a politician to run our country. McCain would have kicked Penn in the crotch, spit on him, called him a queer and walked away, leaving him for dead. Because, when you're that close to the end, you really can't be wasting time with distractions.

It doesn't help that Hillary's husband agrees with Penn on this matter. Now she once again has to be patronized by a bunch of chauvinistic reporters who believe a husband's word should be the last word on any issue:

Hillary: I don't think we should be trading with a country that consistently lies to us about their drug trade, and refuses to work with us to capture smugglers.

Bill: But we're going to honey, now go into the kitchen and bake me some of those great chocolate chip cookies that you do so well! Adda girl.

With all this going on, Obama can sit back, phone in his speeches, and watch Hillary shoot herself in the foot a couple of times a week. If this keeps going on, Hillary may have to acknowledge that she in fact isn't the imminent winner, and that Obama may actually stand a chance in this race.

Well I have to go now. I can see that there's another story about steroids and baseball, so we can all look forward to next week when I talk about how all our favorite baseball players testified to the Senate subcommittee on things nobody gives a shit about (it's a division of the Senate Committee on Veteran's Affairs). Night all.

Politic On, Politic-ers...

2008-03-31T20:18:00.000-07:00

The Democratic nomination is getting a bit nit-picky these days. There hasn't technically been a contest between Hill and Barry for a long time, so we pundits, we pontificaters, we pioneers of print, we proprietors of public periphery have been desperately searching for anything, and I mean anything, to fill the airwaves/blog pages with. It isn't easy, that's why we make the big bucks. We came up with the Jeremiah Wright thing when no one would have noticed were an actual primary coming up. But Obama had to cock-block us by diffusing an issue while making history and probably effectively winning the nomination all at the same time.

We were given some nice news earlier today. It turns out the winner of Texas was not who we originally thought it was. Caucus delegates have been appointed, and Obama has ended-up with five more than Clinton. So we were able to talk a little today about how much worse it is getting for her, and what she'll do now that she's losing shit she thought she'd already won (I'm guessing she'll go to Mr. Webster and ask him to redefine the term winning, being that she's spun her losing in just about every way possible).

But does that stop Hillary from fighting to fulfill what I'm sure she thinks is her God-given right (why else would she stick by her husband)? It's kind of sad to see someone's spirit broken. Regardless of whether she deserves the nomination, she certainly has been through a lot. My sympathy is one of many reasons why I want her to stick in the race. Besides the fact is this all makes for "good" journalism, Bill Clinton was right when he said that Obama will need to toughen up if he is to take on the Republicans. Consider some of the things said during their shorter, much less interesting nomination process:

Mike Huckabee (a baptist minister) said he would really like to put Hillary on a spaceship to blast her off the planet. It was received with the usual reception Huckabee has grown used to receiving for his jolly, "good-natured" humor.
When a woman (a woman!) asked McCain how he was planning on beating "that bitch" in November, McCain was smart enough not to verbally agree, but he certainly wasn't offended enough to indicate any inappropriate behavior on her part, and took his sweet time to disavow her words after his talk. He probably felt that indicating Hillary wasn't a bitch would lose him his constituency.
When Mitt Romney dropped out of the race, he stated his opinion that if the Democratic party took the White House, the terrorists would surely burn this planet to the ground.

And, by the way. If you don't want to be accused of hating your country Mr. Obama, I would start wearing an American Flag lapel pin, and putting our hand on your heart when you pledge your allegiance to the flag. That's just a no-brainer. As of September 12th, 2001,no man or woman in any county of any state on any level of government will ever win an election without obeying these two basic laws. What the hell kind of point were you trying to prove, anyways?

This is all pretty tough rhetoric, and right now, all the Clintons are doing is calling him dishonest. What will he do when a McCain surrogate asks us if we really want an Islamic terrorist hopped up on cocaine running around the White House, sleeping with all the white women, turning the Situation Room into a basketball court, and using the presidential seal carpet in the Oval Office as a Salat prayer mat he shares with Wright while they discuss ways to keep the white man down. They probably won't say it like that, but they'll certainly nod towards it in a "I was just caught up in the heat of the moment; my comments don't reflect the views of the candidate; I hereby resign my post from this most auspicious campaign in shame and apologize to the candidate for causing him any trouble with this most egregious miscarriage..." Or something like that. I know Carville is getting tired of it, but there are many resignations to come, none of which mean anything.

But I have digressed, as you will learn I often like to do. To get back to my last point, I think Hillary should stay as long as she wants. It will mean a few more weeks of inaction, but we reporters will always find things to bitch about (I plan to launch a full-throated argument this week, calling for her to leave the race). As for the concern over splitting the party, I have no fear that John McCain will do something to bring us all running back together in a dramatic, warm, end of a romantic comedy-type embrace by saying something racist/sexist/Europhobic/homophobic/antisemitic/or just fucking mean. You can see it in his eyes, and I wouldn't want to be the butt of any of his jokes. He'd probably try to give me a wedgie (or make me listen to Joe Lieberman give a lecture on the nature of democracy as pertaining to Noam Chomsky) if I ever ran into him in the middle of the street. So I'll just hope that he doesn't happen to read this column (he won't) and cross the street if I see him walking towards me.

And if we can't think of anything to talk about this week, we have the Final Four coming up this weekend. There will be three basketball games, so don't tell me we can't fill 100 hours of airtime bullshitting about who will win, who will lose, and why anyone with half a brain knows that North Carolina will win.

I'm sad to say that I'm currently in third place in my bracket at work and I stand no chance of winning. But the Great Magnet Loses Nothing! Our Bracketmaster (Copyright!) is pretty strict and I think he'll be interested to know about two little computer hacks who just happen to be doing well in our bracket, whilst possessing an unnatural knowledge of how the Internet works, and more importantly, how to manipulate it. If that doesn't work, I'll plant some weed in their offices and call the cops.
Until we met again...

Someone Died in England Too...

2008-03-25T20:16:00.000-07:00

Last week marked 4,000 dead in Iraq, and we celebrated with the usual noise makers (CNN, MSBNC, etc...), the usual firecrackers (a recent attack killing over fifty people in one evening), and gifts (Bush's promise that we will not draw down troops anytime in the foreseeable future). It's how all parties should be celebrated, and despite the Americans' reputation for not knowing how to party, we did it in fine fashion.

There's nothing to say about this without gettin' all political. It's a political war, started for political reasons, and currently being used by all sides of the ideological spectrum for political gain. This isn't to say no one feels for the troops any less than I do. I'm sure they all feel horrible, but there's nothing anyone can say that will truly make things better. So I'll just say that 4,000 deaths in any context is a tragedy, and we are vastly under-reacting to this horrid news. Why would anyone with the freedom to do something allow this to happen?

So, I would like to move on to a recent death in a different part of the world that holds no
political consequence, but is sad nonetheless. If you haven't heard of Neil Aspinall, but are a fan of the Beatles and are alive today, you have a lot to thank him for. It was Aspinall who brought us the Beatles Anthology series after over twenty years in the making. As a person who was introduced to the Beatles through this documentary, I am eternally grateful. For those of us who grew up watching "Yellow Submarine," we have Aspinall to thank for remastering both the movie, and the soundtrack, making the colorful visualization of an acid trip seem that much more lucid and sound that much better. For those die hard fans still angry at Phil Specter for fucking up "Let it Be," thank Aspinall for overseeing the project that released the album in the spirit in which it was meant to be, without the orchestrations, cute little interludes, and unnecessary backing vocals.

These are only the tangible contributions Aspinall made to the band during his tenure as Beatles road manager, and later as president of Apple Corps. To anyone who has an appreciation for the guy behind the guy, Aspinall is your man. If you are a man who admires Cheney's ability to pull Bush's strings whenever he wants something, you've found another comrade. It was Aspinall who took care of the Beatles whenever they needed anything, freeing them up to do what they did best. If it meant hiding drugs from the Philippine government, or finding them girls after each show, Aspinall was there for their every desire. Many people credit George Martin, the Beatles producer as being the fifth band member in the studio. If this is true, then surely Aspinall must have been their fifth member on tour. Even George Harrison said so.

Aspinall shared one of his first cigarettes with Harrison while they were in school in Liverpool. After Harrison joined the Beatles and they started to grow in popularity, Aspinall quit his apprenticeship to be their driver, sometimes driving them to three gigs in a day. As their popularity grew and they needed more than one person to oversee their transportation, Aspinall found Mal Evans to do some of the heavier lifting. As the band became the biggest group in the world, they would come to rely on these two men more than anyone else. And Aspinall never let them down.

But it wasn't his loyalty that made him such a great contributor. He shared a mutual respect for the music the band was making with the other four Beatles. As the band started to crumble, and friendships between the band members deteriorated, Aspinall stayed around to ensure the Beatles' fortunes and legacy weren't raped while they weren't looking. He became president of Apple Corps. on the condition that his position was temporary, ending as soon as they found a suitable replacement. That didn't happen.

There's a reason that the Beatles catalog wasn't used on American Idol until after Aspinall retired. There's also a reason you don't see Beatles songs whored out to every advertiser in the world. If you wonder why no one rolls their eyes when they hear the Beatles come on the radio, and yet Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd and the Eagles are played ad-nauseum on classic rock stations (don't believe me? Go to your local classic rock station and you will either be listening to one of these groups, or you will hear one within ten minutes. I guarantee it.), it's the result of a bigger push by those who truly loved the band and the music and were willing to devote their professional lives to preserving that memory. There were many and they were led by Aspinall (don't get me wrong, I'm sure it payed well too). The Beatles aren't played on the radio as much because it costs more to air their songs. You don't see their music on iTunes because of the price Apple computers has to pay to do so. You get what you pay for, and if you want the Beatles, you're going to have to pay.

Is this greedy? It might be. Paul McCartney is no philanthropist, and I doubt that Ringo, Yoko and Mrs. Harrison would be willing to give all their money to charity if asked. But there is something to be said for the preservation of that which is holy. I'd like to think that Beatle money is what you pay to get something truly special. Something truly unique a term that tends to be cheapened by QVC whener they try to sell porcelain thimbles. Something that is truly once in a lifetime. And the high prices have kept the Beatles classy, and accessible at just the right amount. It's not like their CDs cost more than any other albums . Their music is for everyone, remainding true to their spirit and nothing will change that. The story is just different for those who wish to profit off them.

Some of you may disagree with my theory. After all, I just thought of it. But I would ask you to reserve your cynicism, and ask yourself whether the Beatles have ever done anything on the cheap, or with little thought (saving Magical Mystery Tour)? This is the band who refused to issue Sgt. Pepper originally because the cardboard covers of the LPs were thin and bent easily. This is the band who spent days rehearsing the harmonies to Octopus's Garden just to make sure it was done right. Octopus's Garden for Chrissake!

If ever there was a man with enough integrity to preserve the group's image, it was Neil Aspinall. So please raise a drink to him tonight, and listen to your favorite Beatles album.
I like to think of Aspinall sitting in his office at Apple, the band falling apart around him, and he making the decision to do whatever it takes to preserve their good name. That's who I want to be when I decide to grow up. I want to be the guy who the guy can count on. I admire the man who sees greatness in others and wants nothing more than to nurture that greatness. We're talking about dealing with four very disagreeable people who don't want to talk to each other for over thirty years. How impressive is that?

Disclaimer: Facts used in this obituary are not necessarily facts.

And I'm the Asshole?

2008-03-24T21:00:00.000-07:00

Anyone who watched Obama's much touted speech on race last week could not help but have an opinion on the speech one way or another. Some saw his attempt as a pathetic excuse for backing a racist preacher, while others saw it as brave and nuanced, perhaps the first time race has been addressed by a politician in such a way. Some saw it politically, some saw it socially. I, however, saw it as an insult.

This was nothing more than a pathetic attempt by the candidate to pander to the liberal bleeding hearts by talking about how terrible racist people are, and how great it is to come from a diverse family. He's just rubbing it in. I watched the speech when it was originally aired. There was a rerun of "Full House" playing at the same time, so I had to flip back and forth, but I think I got the gist. What I heard was a man who said it's okay to hate white people. Well, isn't that a bit of a double standard? How would you like it if I went to a black neighborhood, and told everyone there that I hate black people? I can tell you from experience that you wouldn't like it one bit. I have the scars to prove it.

Obama's efforts may have fooled the proverbial choir he was singing to, but it will not satisfy those who demand a little more from their candidate than some empty rhetoric about how life isn't fair for some people, and too fair to others. Does he think this is Kenya? He should know that we all have the same chance to succeed here. How can he not see that? It's what America is all about.

And so, on behalf of the few of us who are not fooled by Obamas hocus pocus, I say this to you Mr. Obama. If you really mean what you say, then why do you say it with a teleprompter? Isn't it enough to just speak off the top of your head, and not lend thought to your actions? It worked for Mr. Bush.

Also, I think you owe an apology to all Indians out there. That's right. You say slavery was our original sin, but you didn't even mention the natives who we slaughtered well before we ever dragged a slave to this country. I think it's disgusting that you could ignore the millions we had to slaughter just to bring your people over here. Where's the appreciation for that?

And what about your infuriating comments regarding conservative talk show hosts? Are you suggesting that they have some other motive to not tell the truth; to ignore true racial tensions and blowing up insignificant ones? I believe it was you, Mr. Obama who used the OJ argument here. Our hands are clean of that debacle. But yours have bathed in the blood of a thousand pundits whose young promising careers lived and died with this unprecedented incident in American history. Are you going to tell them the OJ trial was insignificant? You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

I'm not done picking apart your circus act of a speech, but I think it's time we both move on. Lending my voice to the ongoing stream of commentary doing little more than fueling the popularity of this disgusting abuse of what is a serious issue. Besides, we got this recession on.

If you've recently purchased a house, owned a car or tried to invest money in anything, you may have noticed that it's not too easy these days. Mortgage rates are up, gas prices are way up, and every day the stock market dives faster than Mel Gibson's ranking on Vogues list of sexiest men alive (apparently antisemitism isn't so sexy, is it Mel?). But is this really the terrible recession we've all been fearing? I doubt it. In my lifetime, recessions have only come after really great boom times. Think 1999 after we had so many years of strong growth. What about now? We've barely had stable times, so it can't be possible that we have a recession. After all, the nail that sticks furthest up is the one that gets hammered down. This one is barely above wood level. So don't worry, folks. You'll receive almost $600 in the mail in the next few months, fixing everything. Besides, if the government is in such bad shape, how dumb would they have to be to just give money away? If you need to be completely reassured, just remember that...oh...I have to go "Bull Durham" is on AMC, I'll tell you next time. Good night.

Time To Get Retarded, March Madness Style!

2008-03-18T21:14:00.000-07:00

We're back to that time of year, the great tournament where people in corporate offices from coast to coast put more pressure on average college students than any normal human being could be expected to handle by betting on their god-given talents in increments as much as $10. Go to ESPN or ESPN2, and there's an 80% chance you'll be watching a college basketball game, or watching a former basketball player talk about who's going to win an upcoming college basketball game. I do realize Barack Obama gave his much anticipated speech on race this morning, but it was pretty obvious to anyone just how phony his bullshit about transcending race and moving on to a higher, more relevant purpose was. I mean, if race should be as insignificant as he says, why is he even talking about it? It's not like anyone else is making a big deal about it, are they? It's a bunch of crap and I fully intend to expose it as that. But that can wait until tomorrow. We have more pressing issues at hand, The Magnet needs to tell you who to bet on.

So I was filling out my bracket earlier when I noticed these little numbers by each of the teams. Perplexed by this unconventional labeling system, I asked my buddy what they mean. It turns out that they make it easy for you by ranking the teams in each quarter of the bracket! You already know who's going to win! How no one else has caught on to this is beyond me. But there you go, just bet on the lower seed. That works until we get to the Final Four.

Now you have to choose, but just use simple logic. You have North Carolina playing Kansas. I think history has proven that North is victorious in everything. Has a nation in the southern hemisphere ever won a war against a northern nation? Never! (Don't stop and think about it. Thinking clouds decisive judgment.)

On the other side, you have UCLA and Memphis. Have you ever been to Los Angeles? It's a sunny paradise full of beautiful skinny, tanned women and beaches. How can you possibly get anything done there? Plus, you know Elvis is up there with God, singing his favorite songs, eating those fried Peanut Butter and Banana sandwiches with him. God is not going to let Memphis lose.

So in the finals, we have the Northern Hemisphere v. God. Do we even go here? Memphis in a walk.

So there you have it. I would like to mention quickly two teams who shocked the sporting world and warmed the hearts of America by sneaking into the tournament, and will certainly be blown out in their first games against far superior teams. Kudos and Huzzahs to you, oh Portland State University located in that liberal bastion of booze and strippers. You managed to sober up and drag yourselves out of the strip clubs just long enough to make it to the big time. Enjoy getting your asses kicked. On the other side, Jeers to you, American University. Ten years ago, you rejected a young man on the cusp of breaking through his 2.76 GPA and going on to what would have been great things had he gone to a decent private school. I blame you for the fact that no one is reading this blog, and I hope Tennessee crushes your spirits and puts you in your place; the academic world where nothing matters but the size of your pocket protector. This is a game of men, you don't belong!

But I digress. When I become rich and buy American University just to destroy it, I promise I will be gentle. So there it is my friends. You have all you need to know, and I am sleepy. So I'll see you next time when we will have less important things to discuss, like the future of our nation, economic and socially. Good evening.

Let's Have a Catch Up

2008-03-12T21:06:00.000-07:00

Hello and welcome back. I haven't been around, I know it, so let's not start a scene by your asking me where I've been. It's not like I'm going to be honest anyways. Better you not ask.

But seriously, folks. Where have I been? Well, it's a long story and I really don't want to tell it. I'm not going to tell you about the lottery I won, and the island I bought. I'm certainly not going to tell you about the hooker I bought for a lifetime and brought with me to the island, only to be robbed blind by her pimp and left for dead on my island. I'm not going to tell you how I lost all my money betting on the Patriots and am now just as broke as I was. I'm not going to go into the gritty details of how I fell into a four week drunken stupor one might call a "lost weekend" where I was arrested for eliciting sex from a fire hydrant (yes, that's illegal too). And I'm not going to talk about my nickname in prison, or how I really thrived there. None of this is interesting to anyone. And besides, wouldn't you rather hear more about Eliot Spitzer?

But it's good to be back. I have a new home here at "Helpful Tips for Living a Happy Life" where I have been met with love and warm moist towelettes. Everyone's been great, and I wish I could give them some credit for all the work they've put forth. I wish I could say the same for you, Google. That's right, I'm talking to you, bitch. I go away for two years and you just yank my website from under my poor shoes? Who the fuck do you think you are? What kind of multi-billion dollar corporation does that? I expected some loyalty, for chrissake! You're a bunch of fuckin' Nazis. That's right. I said it. We were all thinking it, but I'm the only one with the balls! What are you gonna do, huh? Nothing? That's what I thought! After all, this ain't China, is it!?!

But I'm not a bitter man (plus, I would probably die if I lost Google tomorrow, so what can I do?) and we can all be adults and move on. There's a lot to do, and a lot to be fixed. I see our good friend Mr. Bush is finally getting the credit he deserves in Iraq. See, we were all so smug, but it only took five years and no more than one million lives (depending on who you talk to) to prove him right. See, we're better off without Saddam anyways. Jesus, how long will it take for us to learn that he's right. That's why he's the decider.

But there's other news that's a lot more sexy than war, POLITICS! It's that time of year again. I know the Democratic nomination has been going on for several months, and the politicing has been going on for over a year, but nothing has really happened worth mentioning. Obama has a steady lead, but that's only if you talk to him...or anyone else living on the planet who isn't Hillary Clinton. But what matters is what they make us think, and the Clinton campaign is certainly helping us make up our minds. To the causal viewer, Obama is in the lead. But do you really want to be convinced by statistics? It seems kind of simple, doesn't it? Thank God Mark Penn and the rest of the Clinton staff have been putting it in an "unconventional" light for us. After all, momentum is more important; it has to be worth at least fifty delegates, right?

Anyways, I'm shaking off the rust, but I'm back. And I can see that it isn't a moment too soon. What the fuck is Steven A. Smith doing as a political pundit? We have a lot of work to do. So take my hand, and journey with me into the unknown my dear, dear friend while we do our best to live a happy, healthy, fulfilling life.
Goodnight.